[Poetry] Festering

In the dark recesses of my mind
Between my hunger for pain
And my thirst for destruction
Hiding behind my deception of self-confidence
And the massive palace from which my kindness rules
With an iron fist
A festering creature has taken hold.

A fruit that fell
From my tree of doubt
And started rotting
Spreading its spores
which are now eating at the foundations of my content

And I can feel this eroding happiness
When I see others being together
Reminded of what I need
Like a starving child watching a feast from across the room
And forcing itself to be happy
For them

And I return home, knowing no kiss will greet me
No arms to comfort me
No warm body to sleep besides
No loving smile to wake up to
Only loneliness.

For who would love one such as you, the festering creature asks
You who are between worlds
You who cannot look into a mirror, naked, and not see an abomination
Who would love one who cries
Because she is unloved?

My hunger for pain roars and digs my long nails into my arms
Then drags them across my skin.
My howls turn to sobs.
The creature speaks.

People may tolerate you
They may appreciate you, respect you, admire you, care for you, even like you
But love you?
Truly love you?

When was the last time you were loved?
Can you even imagine someone
Who notices you are not there with them
And wishes it changed?

My thirst for destruction begins scratching at my bare legs.
I howl again
And hate the creature
For I know that it is right

After all
I see no way it could be wrong
I go to bed, and as I fall asleep
I try to imagine someone
Who would miss me longer than a month
Were I not to wake tomorrow

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