[Poetry] When You Hold My Hands

When you hold my hands, I cannot tear myself apart.

It really is that simple.
I could claim it is your beauty, your wit and your smile
but while you do possess all of those, they’re not the reason why.
Not the way you laugh or joke around.
Not the way you jump or dance about.
Not the way you talk, sing, or shout.
Yes, all of those before, but then I found out
that when you hold me close, I cannot tear myself apart.

In the haven of your arms, I find shelter for the storm in my head.
Safe from myself and the war in my mind
that tries to claim me as a casualty.
You keep me together, and give me the strength
to stop myself from falling to pieces.
You take away the need to run my nails into my arms
and draw red lines whose only purpose is to be hidden.
So please, hold me tight, and I will not tear myself apart.


[Poetry] Midnight sky

I care not to catalogue the stars.
It does not bother me where Ursa Major is hiding, or where Orion seeks his prey. Why should it matter that a collection of dots, when viewed from precisely this angle, looked like a goat to some corpse now long turned to dust?
No, when I gaze into infinity, all I seek
Is peace.

And what I find is an experience greater than any God, an uncountable endlessness that surpasses the imagination of billions, a sensation so overwhelming it almost crushes me.
And as I think of all that could have been in the story of my mind, but was made impossible by the limits of reality, a single tear tells me of the futility that is me, and I turn inwards.
I remind myself of all the roadblocks, all the doubt and all the pain that did not break me, and tell myself I’m but a speck of dust.
That I am nothing, that I am unimportant.
That I

And as the tear dries and forms a stain upon my cheek, I pick up the weapon with which I have forged and ended worlds, and write of my own insignificance.
For if I were to jump off this roof tonight, none would truly miss me in the morning. The world would not stop spinning, the sun would not explode. The universe would never even know.
I am not needed. I am free.
Free to pave my own path.
Free to forge my own mark, and burn it into the face of this Earth where and how I see fit.
Free to offer my passion to the people I love and use it to help them shape their own lives.
Free to worry about tomorrow, only when tomorrow becomes yesterday.
And there, I find my peace.

At least for tonight, but tomorrow, I can again sit among the stars.

[Poetry] All I ask

All I ask is
Someone to listen when I sigh
Someone to hold me when I cry
Someone to keep me warm at night
Someone to join me in my fight
Someone who will share my pain
So I have the strength to make hers wane
Someone who’ll miss me when I’m gone
The first person I see when I wake at dawn
Someone whose life I can fill with glee
Someone who’ll howl at the moon with me
Someone who can switch twixt silly and mature
Someone to make me feel loved and secure

Or is that truly too much to ask?

[Poetry] Three Wishes of Strength

Strength through thought

Think before you speak. Think before you act.
Consider all the options, all opinions and facts.
Think because it’s needed, think because it’s fun.
Think to know when to stand and fight and when to turn and run.
But while you’re thinking, remember such:
The one thing as dangerous as thinking too little, is thinking way too much.

Strength through honesty

Honesty, in all things.
Honesty to friends. Honesty to foes.
Honesty to the world, and all the hate and love it holds.
But above all else, honesty to you.
For if you yourself with lies must soothe, what good is gifting others with the truth?

Strength through choice

Choose to live the dreams you dream.
Choose to be the one you are.
Choose your beauty among things you gleam.
Choose to go near or far.
Choose your path, your life, your tastes. Choose them yourself, or leave them to waste.

Stay strong. Always.


First poem I’ve written in ages. I hope it’s not too terrible.


The moon, she cries a lonely tear
The stars having run off in fear
On the soil, a wolf howls back
Abandoned by her love and pack

Somewhere else a bell tolls once
With no sound in any distance
The tower itself stands also alone
Tall in a sea of low, lonely pride doth shone

A little girl sits in a chair
Love around her everywhere
Looking at the joy betweeen ma’ams and sirs
Wondering if any will ever be hers. 

Like you

I wrote this poem a while ago because at the time this was for me the only way I could express my feelings for a girl I really liked…

She said no, by the way, but that doesn’t make her any less awesome.

Anyway, I should’ve posted this one earlier, but I, er, forgot.

Hey you,

How do you do?
I just wanted to tell you…
I love your hair, and…
I really like your laugh
And I know you don’t really know me.
And I know I don’t really know you.
I like the way you think,
And I like the way the world seems to shrink to the here and now,
whenever you’re near and how you make me feel easy and content.
And I’d like to spend more time with you.
Because you see…
I like you. I really do…
I think…

And I don’t know how, and I don’t know why,
And I don’t know if I should even try.
But there’s something that makes me keep on thinking about you.
Something fine… something true…
And if you don’t feel the same way I do,
then that’s fine for me too.
As long as you don’t cast me aside,
like a piece of trash, or a shoe too wide.
What we have now is fine for me too
I just don’t want to lose someone as special as you
And deep down you know that’s true.
You do… it’s true…
I just wanted to tell you.
I think I like you…
I do.
I really do.

Letter to a love lost.

Sweet is the taste as I sip my
mead, like the taste of your lips used to taste
when I was still allowed to sample them.

Calm is what I found in this place like
the calm I used to find in your embrace back when I found I could
afford to take more than a greeting and farewell.

You gave me strength
not by listening
not by understanding
nor being there for me.
You just gave me strength, and peace, and comfort,
simply though the idea that you were mine and I was yours
and ‘we’ was something worthwhile.

Your gaze upon mine was my ecstasy
Your arms around me were my sedatives
Your voice in my ears was the hypnotizing music
that brought me childish dreams where we were old together and our
great-grandchildren had your lovely nose and my gold-blue eyes.
Oh, sweet music.

And I’d have given up part of who I am
yes, that part
if it meant we could live that dream.
And I would have changed my plans, adapted my future,
to give this ‘us’ a chance.
And I would have raced to cuddle up against you,
and whisper
‘6 months…’
into your ear, before you did the same
When we’d have reached half a year.

And I sip again from my sweet mead,
a rather poor replacement for your lips
to tell you what a naive idiot I’ve been.

And so again I find myself without companion on
my road to happiness.
Yet on I must go. And I might just make it, you’ll see.
Even if the highest mountains I must climb
and the stormiest oceans I must swim
and the hottest deserts I must cross
and mountains and oceans and deserts will never keep me from always
loving you
and as time goes by, part of me will always
though less as time goes by
but always, until I die
miss you.

Fare thee well, my lover. We won’t meet but in gaze and arms and voice and dreams.
Good bye to you, my friend. Much more real our next meeting will be.