Like you

I wrote this poem a while ago because at the time this was for me the only way I could express my feelings for a girl I really liked…

She said no, by the way, but that doesn’t make her any less awesome.

Anyway, I should’ve posted this one earlier, but I, er, forgot.

Hey you,

How do you do?
I just wanted to tell you…
I love your hair, and…
I really like your laugh
And I know you don’t really know me.
And I know I don’t really know you.
But…
I like the way you think,
And I like the way the world seems to shrink to the here and now,
whenever you’re near and how you make me feel easy and content.
And I’d like to spend more time with you.
Because you see…
I like you. I really do…
I think…

And I don’t know how, and I don’t know why,
And I don’t know if I should even try.
But there’s something that makes me keep on thinking about you.
Something fine… something true…
And if you don’t feel the same way I do,
then that’s fine for me too.
As long as you don’t cast me aside,
like a piece of trash, or a shoe too wide.
What we have now is fine for me too
I just don’t want to lose someone as special as you
And deep down you know that’s true.
You do… it’s true…
I just wanted to tell you.
I think I like you…
No.
I do.
I really do.

Letter to a love lost.

Sweet is the taste as I sip my
mead, like the taste of your lips used to taste
when I was still allowed to sample them.

Calm is what I found in this place like
the calm I used to find in your embrace back when I found I could
afford to take more than a greeting and farewell.

You gave me strength
not by listening
not by understanding
nor being there for me.
You just gave me strength, and peace, and comfort,
simply though the idea that you were mine and I was yours
and ‘we’ was something worthwhile.

Your gaze upon mine was my ecstasy
Your arms around me were my sedatives
Your voice in my ears was the hypnotizing music
that brought me childish dreams where we were old together and our
great-grandchildren had your lovely nose and my gold-blue eyes.
Oh, sweet music.

And I’d have given up part of who I am
yes, that part
if it meant we could live that dream.
And I would have changed my plans, adapted my future,
to give this ‘us’ a chance.
And I would have raced to cuddle up against you,
and whisper
‘6 months…’
into your ear, before you did the same
When we’d have reached half a year.

And I sip again from my sweet mead,
a rather poor replacement for your lips
to tell you what a naive idiot I’ve been.

And so again I find myself without companion on
my road to happiness.
Yet on I must go. And I might just make it, you’ll see.
Even if the highest mountains I must climb
and the stormiest oceans I must swim
and the hottest deserts I must cross
and mountains and oceans and deserts will never keep me from always
somehow
loving you
and as time goes by, part of me will always
though less as time goes by
but always, until I die
miss you.

Fare thee well, my lover. We won’t meet but in gaze and arms and voice and dreams.
Good bye to you, my friend. Much more real our next meeting will be.

SNAP

SNAP

Again, the rubber band snaps against my wrist,
Leaving yet another red mark below my hand.

SNAP

Searing agony crawls up my arm
Delightful pain tries to draw my attention away…

SNAP

…from all the times you held me

SNAP

…from all the hours I spent travelling to and from you

SNAP

…from the closest thing to happiness the sound of your voice gave me

SNAP

…from all the months I cared for you

SNAP

…from the brutality with which you tore me apart

SNAP

…thrice

SNAP

…from all the months I still cared for you

SNAP

…from all the nights I spent awake, thinking about your problems.

SNAP

…from all the changes I was willing to make

SNAP

…from all the things I was willing to give up

SNAP

SNAP

To no avail.

I don’t know what I hate more, that I care for you, or that I
Still
Care for you.

SNAP

SNAP

SNAP

I try to dry my tears, only to have them reappear.

SNAP

Good bye, my love. Don’t worry about me.

SNAP

I’ll be just

SNAP

Fine.
…
In due time.
…

SNAP

Untitled III

I just want someone to hold me
to stroke my hair
someone who told me
honestly and fair

That I’m the most important person in their lives

Last Phonecall

So, this is goodbye?
There are other things more important to you now.
I understand, don’t feel bad
that’s my job now.

You will now take your place
amongst those I still love,
but who will not answer
or simply do not know.
You will always have a special place in my heart.
And I will always love you, one way or another.

Thank you. Thank you for everything.
Thank you for making me feel safe
Thank you for making me feel loved
Thank you for letting me be who I am
without feeling ashamed
Thank you for the warmth, the comfort,
the understanding, the company
the strength to go on, when I had no hope.
Thank you for everything.
I’m sorry I couldn’t be more than what I am.
I’m sorry I’ll never be able to repay you.
I’m sorry things had to be this way.

I’ll miss you.
We may meet again. Some day. As friends.
Goodbye, my love. Goodbye.

Untitled I

This one is for my girlfriend, who took away most of the pain and misery described in the rest of this blog, simply by loving me.

I feel pain no more
am finally free
Nothing there
but you and me and we together
shall overcome
all that crosses the path of you and I
and why have you been away for so long?
I needed you, and now I have you
So I can be yours
For as long as you want me, I am yours
You have set me free to be you and me
we
us, together.

I’ll love you always. Love me. Forever.

Love’s a Drug

Love is brilliant
Love is fantastic
Love is everything
for those who have it

Love’s a drug
love is opium
When love is gone
Life becomes odium

love has steered away
and life is eating hope
without love at my side
I don’t know how to cope

Love’s a drug
Love is opium
When love is gone
Life becomes odium

I’m feeling a withdrawal
A pain, a raging hunger
A thirst, a vain search for more
love, as my heart thunders
and tears my chest asunder
burns my lungs to ashes
I’m feeling a withdrawal
I feel I need your love

Cause love is a drug
Oh, love is opium
And since your love is gone
My life became odium
Yes, love is a drug
Yes, love is an opium

and my shot is ages overdue.

Who?

Realization struck me hard as I realized I am lonely
Who understands me, who ever will?
Who is now here with me?
Who will stay with me? 

I am cold, who will warm me?
I am sick, who will treat me?
I am sad, who will comfort me?
I am misery…
Who will carry me?
I am alone 

Who will care for me?

Who will watch over me, as I cry myself to sleep?

A wolf’s love

In the darkness of the night, 
you are my moon, shining bright 
as a beacon guiding me, giving me strength. 
Hope. 
And you I follow.

Follow to the end of time,
where I am yours and the world is mine
for me to do as you please, so please, blessed star.
Sacred moon, take me as your own.
For I am yours if you do for me but one thing:
Love me as I love you, and I’ll love if you so wish,
For the part of eternity my heart beats, I will love you

Searching

If I always fail, why do I keep trying?
If I never find you, why do I keep searching?
Is there even someone who still cares enough
For me?
Do you even exist? 

Why is it that I am still alone?
Why do I go on on my own?
Why won’t you join me?
Do you even know who I am? 

Not having you here causes me too much pain.
If only you would feel the same.
If only I knew how to reach you.
If only I knew who you were. Who you are. Who you will be.